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BRILLIANT VICTORY
FOR BRITISH FORCES Today I witnessed yet another example of the sheer bravery of the British Forces stationed on this island. Fresh from their recent victories over the oppressive Arab traders and their despicable allies, the local natives, the British Forces, under the command of the dashing Sir Charles Buckpasser-Cleverley, advanced upon the impregnable fortifications behind which these wily villains had fled. Ignoring the almost overwhelming firepower of the insurgents the gallant forces of the Empire advanced in line of battles, led by the armoured cars of the Scouts, who were ably supported by the Punjabis and Jats. The armoured cars were disabled early in the battle, but not before they had revealed the positions of the insurgent artillery, which was quickly despatched by our own gallant artillery. The most effective barrage caused the majority of the insurgent forces to flee in terror, leaving behind only a small force of cowardly renegades and Arabs. These were easily pushed aside, and the fortifications were occupied. Sir Charles, who shared in his troops triumph, and whose hat was shot from his head whilst leading the advance, said after the battle that it was "a near run thing", and that he was very proud of the way in which his forces acted. Casualties are reported to have been light amongst the British Forces involved in the action, although the Punjabis have suffered a mild mauling. LOCAL NEWS Our financial Correspondent reports that the sudden influx of ivory tusks onto the market has caused prices to drop. STOP PRESS! Archduke Ferdinand Assassinated! War Possible! |
