Colonial Wargames - The Bungler

WE ARE READY
by Our Correspondent

In a statement made today the Governor, Sir Charles Buckpasser-Cleverley, said that, as far as he was concerned, the Colony was as ready to deal with any possible invasion by the Germans or the Turks. We quote -

'In these times of trouble and strife in the World, it is pleasing for me to see that my fellow colonists have rallied to the flag with such spirit and vigour.'

'We are confident that our cause is a just one, and we are ready to prove it, and I take this opportunity to make it known that under no circumstances will we, in this colony, surrender! I feel that in saying this that I reflect the views of all of us in New Surrey, and I say again ... Come on you Germans and Turks ... We are ready for you!'.

THE BUNGLER feels, that with men like these at the helm, the people of New Surrey can rest assured that all is being done to bring about our eventual victory.

RUSSIANS FINALLY LEAVE

The remnants of the Russian South Asia Squadron have left for home after making repairs to their damaged ships. The Squadron, which is now commanded by Admiral Nokisblokoff, who took over from Admiral Rippanikasov when the latter died, consists of the cruiser ADMIRAL MAKAROFF and a torpedo boat destroyer. The mortal remains of the late Admiral were carried on board the MAKAROFF by a Guard of Honour drawn from local volunteer units.

MINOR RAID BY TURKS THROWN BACK

It is reported that the Turks mounted a small scale raid over the border near the Firkawi tribal trust land. This small force was seen by one of our patrols, who took the appropriate action. This had the desired effect, and the Turks were seen to be retreating before superior British forces could be brought up to deal with them.

REINFORCEMENTS ON WAY

It is reported that a strong British Naval Squadron has been despatched by the Admiralty to reinforce the Naval forces already here. It is hoped that a new Naval Commander-in-Chief has also been sent, and that Admiral Hawsepipe will be replaced in the very near future.

NAVAL LOSSES TO DATE

ALLIES -
Sunk -
I.R.S. POLTAVA (Battleship)
I.R.S.AURORA (Cruiser)
I.R.S. NOVIK (Cruiser)
H.M.S. CALDER (T.B.D.)
Damaged -
H.M.S. MAGNIFICENT (Battleship)
H.M.S. TOPAZE (Cruiser)

TURKS -
Sunk -
MESSUDIEH (Battleship)
Damaged -
TORGUD REIS (Battleship)

GERMANS -
Sunk -
S.M.S. FURST BISMARCK (Cruiser)
S.M.S. KAISERIN AUGUSTA (Cruiser)
S.M.S. STETTIN (Cruiser)
Damaged -
S.M.S. VINETA (Cruiser)

It can be seen that we have managed to sink or damage more ships than the Enemy, and this appears to be even truer when it is realised that most of the damage suffered by our ships is minor, whereas that suffered by the Turks and Germans has rendered the damaged units almost unusable.

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NAVY STRIKES BACK
by Our Correspondent

The arrival of Sir Rodney Fullastarnboth M.V.O. to command the British Naval Forces in place of Admiral Hawsepipe has been marked by the attack by our Navy on the latest German and Turkish convoy.

This convoy was escorted by several heavy units of the German Navy (including the Battleship HELGOLAND and Battlecruiser SEYDLITZ) and it was vitally important that it was attacked.

Sir Rodney, showing great foresight, concentrated his forces, and placed his fleet between the Germans and their goal, Bluchershafen. Thus the Germans and Turks were forced to engage him, or be forced to take evasive action.

Despite the loss of TOPAZE and the destroyer LUCIFER in a German minefield, the British were able to surprise the Germans and Turks and were soon forcing the Enemy to take evasive action. One result of this was that the HELGOLAND and SEYDLITZ turned to engage the British Battleships LONDON, MARS and MAGNIFICENT, and their attendant Armoured Cruisers MONMOUTH, WARRIOR and ARGYLL.

Action was soon fierce, and the Germans gained repeated hits upon the cruiser AMPHION and the destroyer ERWELL, both of which sank as a result of their damage. Their sacrifice, however, gave Sir Rodney the chance he wanted in that it allowed him enough time to bring the 12 inch guns of his Battleships into range. Fire was then opened upon the SEYDLITZ, which was seen to suffer great damage.

It was, by now, apparent that the British force would be unable to catch the Enemy convoy, and Sir Rodney ordered his forces to turn away from the enemy, with the hope that he would be able to make a night attack. However, the Germans had detached two destroyers to make a torpedo attack upon the British, and whilst the British were engaged in beating off this attack (during which the German destroyer G101 was sunk), the main German force made a run for it.

It would appear at first glance that the British losses (two cruisers and two destroyers) were too high for the gains made. However it must be realised that the convoy's escort was comprised of many modern heavy units, including two Dreadnoughts, whereas the British forces engaged were all old vessels and that the combined firepower of the three Pre-Dreadnought Battleships LONDON, MARS and MAGNIFICENT only equal that of the HELGOLAND and that the fastest of them, LONDON, can only just make 18 knots, which is 3 knots slower than HELGOLAND, and 9 knots slower than SEYDLITZ.

This gave the Germans a 2-to-1 advantage over our forces, and despite this they were able to inflict minor damage on our heavy units.

DECORATIONS

To Captain Horatio Lugworm (Fleet Gunnery Officer) - the award of the Distinguished Service Medal.

THE MOBILISATION

Sir Charles Buckpasser-Cleverley, in a speech made to the 'Get Rid of Hawsepipe' Campaign Dinner held in Port Victoria last night, said that the mobilisation he ordered was almost complete, and that the new British reinforcements would mean that, at the end of the rainy season, the Colony would have little to fear from the Germans and Turks. No mention was made, however, of the much promised attack upon the Enemy. We can only assume that preparations for this attack are under way in secret.

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ENEMY ATTACK BEATEN OFF!
by Our Correspondent

A report has been issued today the Commander, Naval Forces, New Surrey, which clarifies the rather confused situation concerning the recent attack made upon Port Victoria by the Enemy.

The Enemy Force, which included the Battlecruiser SEYDLITZ and the Battleships HELGOLAND, HEIREDDIN BARBAROSSA and TORGUD REIS, and which was escorted by several destroyers and cruisers, attempted to bombard Port Victoria, in the hope of destroying our Naval Forces whilst they were at anchor.

The British, however, were not caught napping, and the complete squadron set sail to deal with the enemy. The squadron, which was under the command of Sir Rodney Fullastarnboth M.V.O., consisted of the Battleships LONDON, MARS and MAGNIFICENT, the cruisers MONMOUTH, WARRIOR, ARGYLL and BRISTOL and several destroyers.

Action was opened as the two forces came into sight of one another, and hits were soon made upon both side's vessels. In this the British out manoeuvred the Germans as they had put their most damaged ships in the van of the attack, and it was these ships that the Germans continually fired at, leaving the undamaged ships to wreak havoc upon the leading German units. As a result the WARRIOR sank, and the MAGNIFICENT was badly damaged, but at a cost to the Germans of damage to the SEYDLITZ and HELGOLAND, and the loss of the destroyers G97, G98 and G99, and the cruiser PILLAU.

As a result of these losses the Germans and their craven allies, the Turks, retraced their steps, and made all speed for their own waters. The British squadron returned to Port Victoria, where the MAGNIFICENT has since paid off, and where damage sustained in the battle is being repaired as quickly as possible, in order that any further attacks can be dealt with.

JAPAN DECLARES WAR

It is now confirmed that Japan has declared war upon the Germans and the Turks. It is further confirmed that they will be despatching a Naval Force of some size to this Island in order to assist us in defeating our common Enemy. The force is thought to consist of several heavy units, and may possibly include one of the new Japanese Dreadnoughts.

HAWSEPIPE

It has been announced that Admiral Hawsepipe will be leaving the Island in the near future to take up a new post in India, as Naval adviser to the Viceroy. The date of his departure is not yet known, and this will be announced as soon as it can be arranged, A 'Get Rid of Hawsepipe' Celebration Dinner will be held at the Governor's Palace at a date as yet to be decided.

FURIOUS FUSO!
by Our Correspondent

The Japanese Squadron, which is commanded by Vice Admiral Iama Quitageza, has already made its mark upon the course of the War in this area. The Squadron, which consists of the dreadnought battleship FUSO, the cruisers NISSHIN and SOYA, and two destroyers, was on its way to the Island when it intercepted the combined might of the German and Turkish Navies in this area.

The Enemy fleet consisted of the battleships KAISER FREDERICK III (which had only recently arrived in this area), HEIREDDIN BARBAROSSA, TORGUD REIS, the cruisers REGENSBERG, DRESDEN and MUIN-I-ZAFFAR, the gunboat MUCHE and the patrolship ILTIS, and is thought to have been commanded by the German Admiral Hans Off.

As soon as both sides came into view of one another both fleets opened fire, and the Japanese opening salvoes caused considerable damage. This can be seen by the examination of the gunnery log of the Japanese flagship FUSO -
'1st Salvo - enemy cruiser (later known to be the REGENSBERG) disabled.
2nd Salvo - German battleship KAISER FREDERICK III sunk (it is thought that at least one of the FUSO's shells penetrated the armour on the aft 12 inch magazine and this caused the KAISER to blow up).
3rd Salvo - near hits on enemy cruiser.
4th Salvo - further near hits on enemy units.
5th Salvo - enemy cruiser (known to be the DRESDEN) sunk as a result of 9 simultaneous hits.
6th Salvo - MUIN-I-ZAFFAR hit and sunk by several direct hits from 14 inch shells.
7th Salvo - Turkish battleship HEIREDDIN BARBAROSSA badly damaged by several direct hits and near misses.
8th Salvo - HEIREDDIN BARBAROSSA sunk by further hits by 14 inch shells.
9th Salvo - TORGUD REIS explodes as a result of several direct hits from the guns of the FUSO, NISSHIN and SOYA.'

As can be seen from the above extract the Japanese shooting during the battle was excellent, and this is a result of the training the Japanese Navy has had at the hands of a British Naval Mission, and we remind our readers that many of the Japanese ships in service at the moment are either British built or designed.

It is reported that now that they have discharged their obligations to the British, the Japanese are expected to return home in the very near future in order to assist in the reduction of other Enemy colonies in the Far East.

HELGOLAND AND SEYDLITZ

It is reported that the German battleship HELGOLAND and the battlecruiser SEYDLITZ have returned home to Germany in order to undertake extensive repairs, which were sustained as a result of the recent action between the Enemy Fleet and the British Squadron.

HAWESPIPE GOES

Admiral Hawsepipe has now left the island to take up his new appointment as Naval adviser to the Viceroy of India. The Admiral left the island on the Dutch ship GELDERLAND last week after attending a champagne reception at the Governor's Residence.

DINNER DATE ANNOUNCED

It has been announced that the 'Get Rid of Hawsepipe' Celebration Dinner will be held at the Governor's residence next week, and that the Governor, Sir Charles Buckpasser-Cleverley, will be one of the principal after dinner speakers.

REINFORCEMENTS ON WAY

A reinforcement convoy is on its way to the island, and it is hoped that these extra men will enable our glorious army to take the offensive, and emulate our Navy's success.