Der Stümper

Der Stümper

Der Stumper

GLORIOUS VICTORY!
GALLANT STAND BY OUR BRAVE ALLIES!
TWO RUSSIAN WARSHIPS LOST!
ADM. RIPPANIKASOV KILLED IN ACTION?
by Our Correspondent

Radio interception has revealed the details of an heroic action fought of the coast of our island to the south of Port Maleesh. The gallant 40-year-old battleship MESSUDIEH of our heroic and faithful allies, the Turks, was set upon by the much-vaunted South Asia Squadron of the Russian Navy.

The glee of the cowardly bully Imperial Ivan can be clearly imagined, however, he had not reckoned with the tenacity of the MESSUDIEH, or her belt of good Krupp steel!

Unflinchingly the Turkish David turned to engage the Russian Goliaths! Clearly identified were the battleship POLTAVA, flying the flag of Admiral Rippanikasov (the "Butcher of the Black Sea"), the cruiser NOVIK and the armoured cruiser ADMIRAL MAKAROFF.

The action was hard-fought but the superior gunnery of the MESSUDIEH soon sent the NOVIK to the bottom under a hail of well-directed shells.

POLTAVA was next for treatment, and was well-mauled before heavy weather forced MESSUDIEH to break off the action. The final shot from her main armament was seen to obliterate the bridge of the enemy flagship, and it would be assumed the commanding officer would have met a gallant end. However, knowing Rippanikasov as well as we do, it is more likely that he was cowering below in a well-armoured part of the citadel.

A mass of raging fires and exploding ammunition, POLTAVA was reported to have foundered on her withdrawal to port. This was later confirmed by coastal observers.

As the seas were too heavy for Rippanikasov to have transferred his flag he is assumed to have met a well-deserved watery grave.

MESSUDIEH is proceeding back to Port Maleesh for minor repairs.

When will the Anglo-Russian clique realise that when faced with the moral ascendancy of the Central Powers, they cannot hope to succeed in their aggression?

HURRAH for TURKEY! HURRAH for the KAISER! HURRAH for Governor Von BOOZY!

STOP PRESS!

MESSUDIEH founders in heavy seas. Some survivors rescued. Search continues.

© Robert George Cordery (2005)